crazy insane and lost

Today, today....... Today......

2009-10-21T19:17:00.001-07:00

Today has been the first day I have truly been frustrated in a while. Not so much frustrated by work its self but the lack of assistance I received while trying to complete a task. The sad thing about today is that it goes against what I was trying to say in my last blog. Don't get me wrong, I tried to understand. I tried to view it from the point of view those I asked to help me may have had. Fact is, the only explanation I could come up with is that they simply didn't want to assist.

To make matters worse, I feel like I exhausted every avenue I possibly could to complete my task. I contacted 3 different departments. Each person I spoke with originally agreed with me that something was wrong and escalated the situation upward. The thing is, once their supervisors seen the situation, the completely shut me down. Made me feel as if I were wrong in my thinking.

I know that I am correct and would be willing to wager any amount of money that I am. I have reviewed the situation several times. I have written it out and done the math several ways. Yesterday I spent 4 hours working on this situation. After I left work, I thought about it the whole hour drive home. I went back in today and worked on it some more. I actually found a completely new issue that verified I was correct.

I know the situation is a rather complex one and unless you are willing to take a couple hours out of your day to sit down and work on it, you would never notice what was going on. Since I wasn't getting the answers I desired, I tried to escalate this through my chain of command..... Made 3 calls, got 3 voicemail.

Hmmmmm....... Seems as though I am the only one who cares. Don't take that the wrong way. I'm not complaining. I am actually excited about this whole process because I can now sit back and evaluate my ability to focus and complete a complex task. Even if I am the only one who notices, I am satisfied!

Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity. Maybe I can reach the correct people who can point me in the right direction. Maybe I won't. However, at the end of the day, I know I gave 110%! I can rest assure that I did all I could. I can now tell my story and be confident in the results I procured. I may ruffle some feathers along the way but at this point, as selfish as it seems, it is all about me. There is no other purpose than to satisfy my own mind.

We shall see what the fruits tomorrow bears. What will be is what will be. I am comfortable because I had a part in creating what tomorrow will bring. That is right, I finally feel as though I had a positive impact in my future. This is something I haven't felt in a long long time!

Perceptoin is reality

2009-10-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

Like a firefighter, I too have put out many fires of the past few days. No, I wasn't risking my life by running into a burning building to save a family's memories. However, the blazes I battled were just as destructive.

This past weekend I spent several hours thinking about all the leaders who had impacted my life. I thought about how angry I used to get when I was asked to do something I may not have agreed with. Many times I can remember thinking "if I were the manager, I would never do this or be like that."

The truth is, unless you can understand the motivations of your leader you can never come to terms with that which you disagree with. As the title states, perception is reality. Think about it for a moment.....

You are asked to do something you don't understand or don't agree with. Will your level of effectiveness be as high as if you were asked to do something you felt was completely in line with your thought process? As much as you want to say yes, you would be just as effective, the truth is you wouldn't.

So what if the next time your supervisor came to you and not only asked you to accomplish a task but explained why they wanted you to do it? How would this change the perception you have of the task its self and how would it change your perception of your leader?

Like I said before, I spent quite a while thinking about how I can change the way I am perceived by those I lead. Reflecting on my style of management and comparing it to my past experiences brought me to a realization that while my employee's liked me as a person, they may not respect me because the don't understand my motivation.

So yesterday and today I set out to change the reality of my employee's. I held meetings with them on a one on one basis. We sat in the back office where the others couldn't hear us. I proceeded with my normal meeting where we reviewed the weekly metrics. I highlighted their individual strengths and discussed ways to improve their weaknesses. This time, this time it was different. Instead of simply showing them where they did well and where they could do better I explained why we looked at the numbers we do and why they were not only important to the company but to the individual as well.

I then took this process a step further. I decided to address all the little idiocracies that were causing rifts on the sales floor. The first impression I got was that they didn't enjoy being told that their personalities weren't cohesive to team building. This was expected. I then went into describing the "why" behind this portion of the conversation. I made sure not to upset the balance we had as a manager and employee as I still need these people to WANT to produce. Even if they had no hopes of hitting their monthly targets, I need them to hit the sales floor running.

After I discussed why we were talking about these topics I then took the conversation back to them. How could changing they way they projected themselves to the other reps benefit them in the long run. I noticed a change in their demeanor but it was still a one sided conversation. So, I completed my portion and then opened up the conversation. I pushed them to speak freely with me. If you were a fly on the wall you would have been simply amazed where the meeting went.

I was first met with a lot of aggression and resentment. After we moved past that, the true feelings came forward. It ended up being a truly productive conversation. Each person left that room with a clear understanding of the expectations, what they needed to improve upon to change the way they were perceived by the others and how this would benefit not only them as individuals but the entire team.

The remainder of the afternoon was rather calm and productive. The issues I had battled prior seemed as if they never occurred. Two reps who had previously fought tooth and nail were now helping one an other. It was amazing............

The question is this.......

Will this be a trend that continues or over time will it progressively get worse until it reaches the point it was before the meetings? Must I take this outlook on each and every meeting we have going forward until I am confident they have forgotten about their differences?

To these questions I do not know the answers. Only time will tell. I will continue to monitor their behavior. If their actions require immediate attention, it will be dealt with then. If I can avoid an uncomfortable discussion in front of the team by stepping out back then I will. My hopes are that my little "work place" experiment will be successful. Maybe I can finally begin to develop someone into an assistant manager. Maybe they will leave our store only to talk shit about me to their next group of peers? Regardless the outcome I do know this. When I go home at night, I can rest assured I am doing all that I can to help those I lead become not only better employees but better people.

Perception is reality. They way you perceive your employer affects your performance. The way you are perceived by those who employ you will affect the rate you are moved up the ladder.

The only way to change the destination awaiting you at the end of the road you travel is to change the perception you project.

Living with ADD

2009-10-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

As a 30 year old man you are expected to behave a certain way. It is expected that you provide for your family and strive for excellence in all that you do. Maybe my thought process is distorted. Maybe I place more stress on myself than most men do. Either way, I have very specific ideas as to how a man is supposed to behave.

Imagine for a moment that you have all of these great ideas running through your mind. Scratch that..... Imagine you have hundreds of ideas that can catapult you to greatness but for some reason you can't reign them in. This is how I have lived for the last 30 years. Every journey I have embarked upon has been met with great struggle. The struggle to finish.

I know in my heart of hearts I have greatness inside of me. We all do. Harnessing that knowledge and translating it into intent, motivation and ultimately success has been the bane of my existence.

As a child I was random. Being random made me popular. I was fun, wild and unpredictable. Grades weren't the best but I passed. I seemed to focus long enough to keep teachers and parents off my back but not enough to make it to college.

As I grew older, the lack of attention led to difficulties in the military. I was a great soldier and did what I was told. I stood shoulder to shoulder with great men and defended their lives as if they were my own. My loyalty was unsurpassed but my lack of focus held me back from reaching my full potential.

In my twenties I decided I wasn't cut out for work in a structured environment. Typical hours of work couldn't keep me interested and having my pay dictated wasn't my bag. At this point in my life I had learned to harness my ability to be random and used this ability to become a great salesperson. I worked my own hours in a constantly changing environment. I dealt with the public and I was great. I could befriend anyone and talk to them in a way that persuaded them to trust me. This trust allowed them to open their pocket books and provided a living for myself.

I was single and didn't require much so striving to reach my full potential was circumvented by my desire to party and have fun. I needed to let the randomness loose. I was fun and still popular. Guys loved to be around me and women wanted to be with me. It was the time of my life..... Or so I thought.

One night stands led to depression. I wanted someone to share my life with but my lack of focus didn't allow me to maintain a long term relationship. Women easily saw me as a potential husband until about month number three. They loved me quick and hated me quicker. I was soon labeled as a man who refused to be tied down.

When I met my wife, this all changed. The first 3 times I met her I was so drunk I didn't remember her from the previous meeting. She saw something in me and refused to give up on. Soon we were head over heals for each other. I was in uncharted territory. She wanted me and I wanted her. She wouldn't give up and neither would I. My lifestyle didn't afford me the means to provide for her the way a man should. I bounced from position to position in effort to provide a life for us. I ended up where I am now. I work in a field that allowed me to abuse my ADD and work with technology, something I love....

As the years passed I still wasn't able to reach my full potential. I finally found a doctor I trusted. He began to treat me for depression. It didn't work. Being the brilliant man he is, he ran some test, asked some questions and determined that maybe my depression and lack of motivation was the result of another undiagnosed condition. I was first given a non stimulant known as Strattera. It worked wonders.....

I was finally able to focus. Soon I was the leader of the sales floor and was promoted quickly to an assistant manager. This in turn led to getting my own store. Since my arrival, the store has done a 180. We are more successful than we have ever been. The reps have bought into me and my motivation.

Soon the focus and motivation I once had began to become shaky. I was told "working with me makes everyday like bring your child to work day." I was loosing things and forget very important items. I wasn't focused and our success began to slip. My ADD had taken control away from me once again.

Thanks to my brilliant physician, I am back in control. A new stimulating medication has given me a renewed focus. I can work and work and work without becoming tired. I am able to complete task and motivate individuals like I know how. My home life has become better because I can not only provide for my wife but now I am no longer forgetting what she tells me. I can listen, empathize and do what makes her happy.

It is a shame it took me 30 years to get to this point but I am thankful for a loving and supportive wife and a brilliant doctor who have together given my life back to me. I have a renewed focus and my initiative is unsurpassed.

Some may say that life begins to drift away as you get older. I say my life is just coming together. My ADD has controlled me and held me back for years but no longer. I am focused, driven and dedicated like never before.

Be afraid world, be afraid...... I am coming for what is mine. I will have it and nothing can stop me. The condition I suffer from will no longer hold me back. I own it and I will succeed!

I got you......

2009-10-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Oxy got the moron locked up from here on
Five years for her-on, Purdue Pharma's Jack Kevorkian
Don't deny the monkey on your back
You package death worse than meth, grab your sac
Me an you, let's get lost and pop a couple
Where's the spoon, let's watch it bubble
Take the main line straight to the brain
Let the muddy water wash away the pain
Friends and family could care less
Stress eats away at the feeling in your chest
Heart's racing got ya chasing the rush
Aching hoping you don't make it cause it's just too much
Now you're gone wantin to come home
The steel is cold and they took everything you own
Day's are spent watchin over your shoulder
No one's got your back, life as you knew it's over
We're here for you till you get done
Serve your sentence, this is just a stepping stone
Cleanliness is next to Godliness, do your best
Lessons learned more or less.....

I'm with you...

2009-10-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

I don't love you
I don't like you
I am infatuated with you
Couldn't live without you
You are the fire that burns inside
You are the fuel that ignites me
You are the air that feeds me
You are reason I'm alive
I was saved the day you appeared