Living with ADD

As a 30 year old man you are expected to behave a certain way. It is expected that you provide for your family and strive for excellence in all that you do. Maybe my thought process is distorted. Maybe I place more stress on myself than most men do. Either way, I have very specific ideas as to how a man is supposed to behave.

Imagine for a moment that you have all of these great ideas running through your mind. Scratch that..... Imagine you have hundreds of ideas that can catapult you to greatness but for some reason you can't reign them in. This is how I have lived for the last 30 years. Every journey I have embarked upon has been met with great struggle. The struggle to finish.

I know in my heart of hearts I have greatness inside of me. We all do. Harnessing that knowledge and translating it into intent, motivation and ultimately success has been the bane of my existence.

As a child I was random. Being random made me popular. I was fun, wild and unpredictable. Grades weren't the best but I passed. I seemed to focus long enough to keep teachers and parents off my back but not enough to make it to college.

As I grew older, the lack of attention led to difficulties in the military. I was a great soldier and did what I was told. I stood shoulder to shoulder with great men and defended their lives as if they were my own. My loyalty was unsurpassed but my lack of focus held me back from reaching my full potential.

In my twenties I decided I wasn't cut out for work in a structured environment. Typical hours of work couldn't keep me interested and having my pay dictated wasn't my bag. At this point in my life I had learned to harness my ability to be random and used this ability to become a great salesperson. I worked my own hours in a constantly changing environment. I dealt with the public and I was great. I could befriend anyone and talk to them in a way that persuaded them to trust me. This trust allowed them to open their pocket books and provided a living for myself.

I was single and didn't require much so striving to reach my full potential was circumvented by my desire to party and have fun. I needed to let the randomness loose. I was fun and still popular. Guys loved to be around me and women wanted to be with me. It was the time of my life..... Or so I thought.

One night stands led to depression. I wanted someone to share my life with but my lack of focus didn't allow me to maintain a long term relationship. Women easily saw me as a potential husband until about month number three. They loved me quick and hated me quicker. I was soon labeled as a man who refused to be tied down.

When I met my wife, this all changed. The first 3 times I met her I was so drunk I didn't remember her from the previous meeting. She saw something in me and refused to give up on. Soon we were head over heals for each other. I was in uncharted territory. She wanted me and I wanted her. She wouldn't give up and neither would I. My lifestyle didn't afford me the means to provide for her the way a man should. I bounced from position to position in effort to provide a life for us. I ended up where I am now. I work in a field that allowed me to abuse my ADD and work with technology, something I love....

As the years passed I still wasn't able to reach my full potential. I finally found a doctor I trusted. He began to treat me for depression. It didn't work. Being the brilliant man he is, he ran some test, asked some questions and determined that maybe my depression and lack of motivation was the result of another undiagnosed condition. I was first given a non stimulant known as Strattera. It worked wonders.....

I was finally able to focus. Soon I was the leader of the sales floor and was promoted quickly to an assistant manager. This in turn led to getting my own store. Since my arrival, the store has done a 180. We are more successful than we have ever been. The reps have bought into me and my motivation.

Soon the focus and motivation I once had began to become shaky. I was told "working with me makes everyday like bring your child to work day." I was loosing things and forget very important items. I wasn't focused and our success began to slip. My ADD had taken control away from me once again.

Thanks to my brilliant physician, I am back in control. A new stimulating medication has given me a renewed focus. I can work and work and work without becoming tired. I am able to complete task and motivate individuals like I know how. My home life has become better because I can not only provide for my wife but now I am no longer forgetting what she tells me. I can listen, empathize and do what makes her happy.

It is a shame it took me 30 years to get to this point but I am thankful for a loving and supportive wife and a brilliant doctor who have together given my life back to me. I have a renewed focus and my initiative is unsurpassed.

Some may say that life begins to drift away as you get older. I say my life is just coming together. My ADD has controlled me and held me back for years but no longer. I am focused, driven and dedicated like never before.

Be afraid world, be afraid...... I am coming for what is mine. I will have it and nothing can stop me. The condition I suffer from will no longer hold me back. I own it and I will succeed!